Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Facing my fears: first Lolita meet

I've found out about Lolita fashion  in February this year but I started wearing it properly sometime in early summer, because I had to learn about Lolita and wait for my orders from Taobao :) 
My first meet was held in Bristol, in August 2011. I found out about it from Gothic Lolita UK Live Journal forum. At first I thought that it's way to far away from me, because I've never travelled by myself in UK (plus me being foreign and having no orientation skills... ). But the need to meet "real" Lolitas was so strong that I finally decided to face my fears and attend this meet.

I've never seen anyone wearing Lolita clothes on the street, I only knew this fashion from Internet. I tried to find as much information about meet ups on the Internet, to know how I should behave, what I should wear etc etc, because I've read that Lolitas can be a bit "sensitive" about others outfits, for example not wearing branded clothes or coordinating in wrong way. Being honest I also read that some Lolitas can be bitchy too... That worried me the most, as at that time I started taking my medications and bitchiness was something I was trying to ran away from in my life. 

I don't really remember what Lolita clothes I owed before Bristol meet. I'm pretty sure that I had some off brand white shirts (which were not perfect and I don't wear them anymore) and maybe one or two Bodyline skirts. I know that I already had my first brand JSK from Innocent World, because after reading all the "advices" from the Internet, I thought that it will be safe if I wear branded dress and I won't offend anyone. But at the same time I was waiting for my first Taobao order and so I didn't have any shirt I could coordinate with Innocent World dress. Luckily I started making my own Lolita clothes too and I finally decided to wear my first handmade floral OP. I got beautiful fabric from eBay and I used vintage sewing pattern. 

Yep, I look funny and I think my tummy is a bit chubby... I really don't look good on photos. Actually wearing Lolita made me get used to having photos of me taken and I don't think I bother that much now :)

Me doing stupid things..... ^_^

I tried to protect myself from direct sun, I used my umbrella and I had unexpected photo taken :)

We went to Bristol Zoo, had a walk around and a picnic with tons of lush food and this amazing black coffin cake!

Fooling around again..... :)

Our group photos ^^

And two short videos:

I am so happy that I faced my fears and went to Bristol meet! It was so far my favourite meet, probably because it was the first one and you always remember first times :) Everything I read on the Internet about Lolitas and meet ups was totally untrue! I thought that everyone will be judging my coord, but nothing like this happened. Instead all the girls were amazingly nice and friendly to me. I was sitting while eating picnic nibbles and listen to girls chatting about Lolita fashion, computer and PlayStation games, cosplay and I thought: "Wow! I've never met such crazy and amazing girls!" :) Before I thought that I'm the weird one where I live, but these girls were much more original and eccentric than me. 

That was my first meet and it made me totally addicted to Lolita meets :) It opened my eyes  and made me realise that I don't have to limit myself to people from my work. Now I know that there are people out there who can accept me for person I really am. People I can be myself with and I don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed about my hobbies and interests. 

I became friends with some of girls I met in Bristol and I can't wait when I see almost all of them in December on the Bath Market Meet (which will also be International Lolita Day! Yay! ) I would like to say that I met girl who's blog I've been following for some time, Bexy from the Glass Princess blog.

Photo by Darren Drysdale
I felt like I met a celebrity! I know it sounds silly, but it's a weird feeling when you follow someones blog and then suddenly you meet this person in real life. Especially if it's Lolita :) Like I said before, this was first time I saw Lolitas in real life and I was totally overwhelmed by amount of frills, petticoats, dresses , bows and long lashes! :) Bexy is a lovely person and I've been seeing her at almost every meet I attended after the Bristol one :) 

I hope you enjoyed this long post and thank you for visiting my blog!

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Things are changing and so am I....

Honestly, it feels so good to be back to blogging. I missed it so much! I feel so much better than six months ago                 
and I have so much to tell you about, what has happened in my life recently. So many things have changed and I think I've changed too. I became a bit more confident and I believe in myself a bit more :) 

My crafts have changed too. This might be sad news to you but I haven't made any deco sweets for long time and I'm not sure when I will get back to air dry clay... I don't think I will totally stop clay crafting, I still have some ideas although they are different that my old designs. I'd like to make clay creations in more grown up style and maybe with some vintage/Victorian influence. 

Here I should probably mentioned my biggest change that occurred in my life. I totally felt in love with Lolita! I've learned a lot about this fashion and my Lolita wardrobe is now filled with proper clothes (and it's still growing! :) Lolita fashion also has lead me to new crafts like sewing, which I try to seriously learn to be able to make professional outfits; and also rediscover my love for jewellery making :) 

These topics, like Lolita, new crafts and Lolita meet ups will from now on be main subjects of my posts here. I am really sorry if I disappointed some of you with lack of new deco entries or tutorials. I will try to include them in here too but you have to understand that I'm constantly changing and therefore my blog is changing too. I was considering creating new blog for Lolita and maybe other one for my life "problems", but then I would be updating each blog not so often and I decided to stick to my favourite Sweet&Tiny diary :) 

This blog reflects me and unfortunately / luckily (please choose one ^__^ ) it will change constantly and mirror path I'm taking in my life, with both good and bad choices. 

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Still here, still alive...

Hi everyone!

I'm still here, I'm still alive and I'm back to blogging. Or should I say I hope I'm back to blogging because it was so long ago when I posted something... 
I have to say that I'm a bit shaky while writing this because this will be really personal entry, so if you, dear follower/reader are looking for craft/deco sweets advice or tutorial, please skip this entry. I will also understand  if any of you will remove my blog from your blog list and stop following me. The reasons why I'm saying this will be clear after you read this (or not.... :) 

I wanted to write this post long time ago and to be honest, I was thinking about it almost every day. More and more I waited, the more I was afraid to write it down here, but I knew that I had to do it, for all of you to explain why I was absent for so long, and more importantly for myself. I haven't really talked to anyone about my problems, only with my boyfriend and my doctor, and this post would me my quiet monologue and probably some kind of therapy to get everything out of my chest, and my heart.

Some of you probably remember me mentioning in my previous posts that I felt sad, down and I was crying without any reason? Well diets didn't help, over the counter herbal pills didn't help either... I felt totally lost and with no control over my emotions... Don't want to go deeper into the reasons and symptoms because they are way to personal and I'd feel a bit ashamed about myself too. Long story short, I decided to see a doctor and seek help. I was told that I suffer from depression... That was I think, May or June and since then I've been taking antidepressant pills. 

When I heard that I have to take this medication, I got a bit scared. I didn't want to look like I'm crazy and I was worried how I will behave after them. I thought that I will be mega hyper and excited all the time. But nothing like this happened. I have to say that I feel normal again and I have control over my thoughts. I don't cry anymore without any reason. These pills only stopped my mood swing and now I feel I'm finally myself.

Now this is the hardest part for me, to explain a bit why I felt like that. 
I came to England almost six years ago, with my "friends" and my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him and basically because of that I lost everyone who claimed to be my friend, mate or even a pal. I know I terribly hurt my ex but  he's happy now, much happier than when he was with me. And I've learnt tough lesson who was my true friend and that hurts the most. Because of that I don't really want to have any contact with Polish people in UK, just because all of them turned their backs on me before. 

To make this story shorter, I felt in love again, I'm still with him and I should be happy, but I wasn't... That's what was depressing me. I knew that I should be happy because I discovered things about myself I didn't know before, like my crafts and things I could do and make. But my life was empty, with no friends and myself being different from everyone around me. Believe me, it's hard living on your own in different country, without friends or family. The only people I knew were my work colleagues and I was desperately trying to find a soul mate. Sadly it never happened and that was making me feel worse. I felt that I can't fit anywhere because I'm so different from people around me, with my crafts, deco sweets, manga&anime, BJD and recently Lolita. And just after I started taking my medications, I attended my first ever Lolita meet in Bristol. That was like my my mind has opened to a totally new world to me! I remember I was sitting on the bench next to girls who were talking about games and animes, and I was thinking: "My God! I finally found people who are more weird than me!" And I loved it! ^___^

Meeting new Lolitas and attending meet ups made me realize that I don't have to limit myself to people from work! Before I blamed myself for being different and I thought that this was the reason why people don't want to hang out with me. But I was so wrong :) There is nothing wrong with me, I am myself and I know that there are people somewhere who will appreciate me for being myself. To be honest, since I started attending Lolita meet ups, I've met many amazing girls! I finally opened myself to new things and new people. 

Now I'm sitting in front of the computer screen and I'm wondering if I should publish this post or not. I wonder if I will loose some of my readers because they will think I'm a weirdo or crazy :)
If you are reading this now, then you know that I conquered my fears and I clicked "Publish" :)

I also would like to apologize for my English :P I didn't want to read it again and check it because I would probably delete it and wouldn't post anything at all... :D 

Thank you all and till the next post! :)
Mini Mo